Storm in the Night

Life begins so innocent, naive, sweet.

Trusting is easy and loving is free.

Our idols are sure, steadfast, brave.

They don't disappoint thru rose colored shades.

Life gets tougher with age.

Some disappointments and realities made.

But rainbows we see, so dreams and plans pave the way.

More love is found and successes made.

Life is good for all on display.

Until one day, like a storm in the night, stuck in the muck and the mire.

Innocence is torn. Trust is no longer easy or free.

The rain of sorrow showering, then flooding.

The debris rising like the tides.

Idols have fallen and wounds run deep.

Betrayal rings in the heart and mind freely.

Sharp like a knife, bruised, battered and bleeding.

Trust lost, hope lost, love lost, innocence lost.

Where to turn? All are torn and wounded in the storm.

Alas I see Him, like a flower springing out of a desert.

I see the one bleeding and dieing while saving me.

His wounds deeper--suffering betrayal and denial by those both near and far.

His storm was a terrifying night of beating, mocking, spitting, hanging, bleeding, suffering, dieing.

Dieing while saving me from my storm, myself, my hurt, my pain, my regret, my shame.

Just as He resurrected after that night's storm,

I too have somehow attained a resurrection.

And life begins again so innocent, sweet.

Trusting is easy and loving is free.

Phi. 3:10 "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

Rock Moms

Karen is my rockin' friend. When we lived on the same street, she was always beckoning me outside, whether it was to the bus stop, the park, the pool, on a fast walk, or to the cul-de-sac for a doggy birthday party. She's one of those 5:30a runners with unwavering determination. She runs marathons, has done a long distance two day bike ride, boot camp classes, etc. I, on the other hand, love to sleep as late as possible and wilt when I walk more than 3 miles an hour. Needless to say, Karen pushes me beyond my physical abilities.

At an annual summer family camp our families attend together, I once, and only once, found myself on a very hilly six mile bike ride with her and some other more experienced riders in East Texas. I can do six miles on a bike, no problem! But I didn't account for the hills, gear changes, building speed, and pumping my legs. That was the year I discovered the only physcially active thing that is somewhat daunting to Karen, is riding a horse (some fear resulting from a childhood incident). So I secretly took pleasure in watching her squirm on a trail ride.

Even though Karen and family have moved an hour away, we still vacation together at family camps and this year we tent camped at Enchanted Rock (E-Rock). We hiked two days with our families a few hours each day but on the last day, Karen and I took the kids on a "little" hike while our kind hubbies did all the packing. I should've known better, going off alone with Karen. Her husband is her dare devil stabling force when he's around. So I should've heeded the warning signs when we didn't take a marked hiking path and started forging our own that danger lie ahead.

The top picture shows us posing like we're climbing a rock. We could actually stand there at a severe angle but to get to that point on our "hike" was somewhat treacherous and fearful for me and the well-fare of our children. All the while though, Karen kept saying, "You can do this," "Just don't look down", "Piece of cake"..... I just prayed "out loud."

While on this treacherous hike, my youngest son brushed up against a cactus and ended up with about a hundered spines in his pants. I, being the practical mom that I am, was just going to have him take his pants off, tie his jacket around his waist, and hike the rest of the way in his boxers. But no, Karen, sat and tideously removed every spine while my son patiently waited.

Not only is Karen my rockin' outside friend but she's a most unwavering, encouraging friend and mother. She's not daunted by tough circumstances, in fact she thrives on them and goes after them with gusto (except for the horse, of course), all the while not allowing people to give up, speaking words of hope and fearlessness. Even with her kids, she's not afraid to let them try new adventurous things.

One of Karen's family rules is, "You have to at least try something adventurous once." I think that's an unspoken rule for hanging out with Karen too. I've had a few only once adventures with Karen and I certainly look forward to more. But don't tell her I said that!

Happy Birthday, Karen! You Rock Mom!

Golf Anyone?

Lately female golfers have been looking good. I'm not talking about their golf game so much, as about the great style of female golf clothes they're wearing. They ooze that persona of all-american fit female athlete. I've always wanted to learn how to play golf, mainly because I love aesthetics and hanging out on a beautifully scenic golf course for 4-8 hours seems appealing. And if I was wearing one of those sweet golf outfits, it would be that much more aesthetically pleasing, in my mind, of course.

Recently I went to a local sports store and found the golf clothes rack. All the golf clothes were smaller than the size I am, probably because most female golfers are in really good shape. Unfortunately, I had to return the too small black golf capris that I bought.

Sure I'm a Black Belt in TaeKwon-Do and it's taken me five years to get there but when I wear my TaeKwon-Do uniform in public, I don't get the same respect I get in the gym. Most people look at me like I'm some clown wearing a costume. But if I had a golf outfit on in public, I might obtain that respectable female athletic look.

After watching the guys in my house play Tiger Woods Golf, I've realized there's more to golf than just swinging a club and looking good. One has to know which way the wind is blowing when they throw grass in the air, what size club to use depending on how far one is from the green, and then what direction the green is growing in for putting. Sounds like another five years of training to me, let alone it's really expensive, and I have a bum knee that I have to protect enough as it is for TaeKwon-Do.

Even our church campus-pastor had a Facebook picture posted of him doing a "fake" bicycle stunt while moutain biking, I'm sure imagining in his mind, he was 20 years younger doing the real thing.

All of us have a certain persona of what we'd like to look and be like. Just fill your name in that that desired blank....golfer, tennis pro, black belt, cyclist, artist, mom, singer, chef, etc. None of those things, in and of themselves are bad goals. Donald Miller writes about a similar issue in his book, "Searching for God Knows What" and says, "...there is nothing wrong with being beautiful or being athletic or being smart, but those are some of the pleasures of life, not life's redemption."

The key for me as to why I want to look like a female golfer, is in the statement I made above, "respectable female athletic look." When you boil it all down, what I'm really saying is I want to be admired and respected for who I am. Unfortunately, looking like a golfer is not going to get me the admiration and respect, especially since the clothes don't fit!

My husband, Michael, recently shared a quote with me, "What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" by Ralph Waldo Emerson. What lies within all humanity is an emptiness that we are trying to fill. I've been trying to fill that emptiness with respectable athletic golf clothes that people admire when all the while I'm empty on the inside for love and admiration.

This reminds me of a conversation I recently had with my son when getting ready to go into 7th grade. We had gone to a school event, and I noticed that he and the school friends were hardly speaking. As a parent, I immediately pegged it as insecurities. The following week, we were both going to his school orientation and I challenged him to say "Hi" to every person he recognized. I assured him that no matter how outgoing he thought a person was, they were all feeling exactly the same as him, "insecure and unsure of themselves." I also encouraged him with the Proverb that says, "He who has friends shows himself friendly." And sure enough, as soon as he started saying "Hi", his friends dropped their guards and started a friendly dialogue with him. I didn't have to say much. The proof was in the pudding.

Even when all grown up, we all have this empty insecurity within us that really no one, no activity, or no item of clothing can fill. The only filler that has always satisfied me is Jesus. He once told a woman, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:13&14

Where's your empty place that you might be trying to fill with respectable athletic clothing?

Devo time!

I like to call my devotional time with God "Devo Time." Some people call it "Quiet Time". Whatever you call it, it needs to happen in order to stay in a listening relationship with Christ. In that devo time, I follow the acronym ACTS as a guide. "A" stands for "Adoration." "C" stands for "Confession." "T" stands for "Thanks." And "S" stands for "Supplication."

One thing I've been doing in the last year or so for "Adoration" is following the book of Psalms in the Bible. I read and journal a Psalm that coincides with the day of the week. For example, today is June 17, so I read Psalms 17. When I get to the end of the month, I just move onto the next higher Psalm. For example, June has 30 days so on July 1 I will ready Ps. 31 and on July 2 I'll read Ps. 32.....

I like to journal the Psalm to fit my life and my praise to God, always turning it back to Him and not to my needs or my wants. For example, today I journaled part of Ps. 17, as follows, which is different from the original language (You'll have to read to compare): "You hear, O Lord, my righteous plea and listen to my cry. You give ear to my prayers. They do not rise from deceitful lips. May my vindication come from you. Your eyes see what is right. You probe my heart and examine me at night." It's all about Him during this time.

That last sentence of journaling that Ps. helped me move into my "Confession" time, of which I'll spare you the details. Then I moved into "Thanks". Who of us in America doesn't have something to be thankful for. "Supplication" or needs/wants or prayers for others should be last because we've first put ourselves in a position of God is God and I am not.

For supplication, I keep a prayer calendar of 31 days that repeats itself every two weeks or so. I have some of the following needs on it: 1. Finances, 2. Friends/Neighbors, 3. My cousin Gregg who is a quadriplegic, 4. Church/ministry involvements/missions 5. Family..... I pray for those needs on the day of the week they're listed. Usually during that supplication time for that specific need, God often prompts me how to pray or to take action regarding that specific need. More often than not, when something comes up on my calendar, it's already something that has been on my heart. In stead of worrying about it I'm prompted to pray about it. God even works through what's on our calendars.

During my prayer time today, the need listed was to pray for friends/neighbors then I felt prompted to Blog about my devo time. I don't journal about it to make my self look righteous. There's many a day I ignore it and miss out on hearing and being used by God. I journal it to encourage you, friend/neighbor, to devote some time to Him. I guarantee he will speak to you and work through you!

Perseverance

Since I had to write a TaeKwon-Do thesis as part of obtaining a Black Belt, I thought I'd post it for others to read. I hope it inspires you to persevere thru whatever you're struggling with.

TaeKwon-Do 1st Dan Thesis
By Ellen Humphries

Perseverance

One of the reasons I’ve made it thus far in Taekwon-Do is due to the fact that my thesis topic is on “perseverance.” I may very well have quit by now, if I had not chosen this topic. This topic is in fact what has kept me going the last six months. It has held me accountable.

Although, the main reason I have not quit is due to my husband, Michael Humphries, 2nd Degree Black Belt. If it wasn’t for his encouragement, help, and dedication, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would have quit at Blue Belt. Training with him and my two sons, Zach and Hudson Humphries, 1st Degree Black Belts, have made the endurance worth it and even fun for the journey.

After conducting an informal interview of Black Belts, asking them what made it hard for them to persevere to their Black Belt, I got varying answers but the number one answer seemed to be injuries and recovery. Another was time constraints because of life commitments. Still another was due to fear and anxiety from testing to losing confidence in sparring matches and taking months to find that confidence again. I personally fall under each category and will explain them below.

So what exactly does “perseverance” mean? I will give you some technical, spiritual, and personal definitions of what “perseverance” means to me.
A first definition is from an on-line dictionary[1] which says:

per-se-ver-ance [pur-suh-veer-uh ns] –noun
1.Steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

I also took note of the fact that “perseverance” has another word inside of it which is “severe.” Another definition from the on-line dictionary[2] is as follows:

se·vere (sə-vîr') -- adj.
Marked by or requiring strict adherence to rigorous standards or high principles: a severe code of behavior. Extremely difficult to perform or endure; trying: a severe test of our loyalty.

I personally can attest to many difficulties, obstacles, and discouragements through the course of my Taekwon-Do training. I have had knee surgery and took a six month absence. I’ve had a demanding life as a homemaker and ministry/school volunteer. I’m overweight, short, and in my 40s--that in itself has its own difficulties, especially in sparring. Our home was struck by Hurricane Ike with $35,000 worth of repairs taking six months to put our home back together again. I help care for my elderly grandmother who has been in and out of the hospital the last few years. And I’ve had extended family challenges. In spite of these difficulties, obstacles, and discouragements, I have persevered, albeit not always attractively and gracefully, sometimes fearfully, but always hopefully.

The International Taekwon-Do Federation (ITF) Phoenix Group Handbook[3] states that the principles of character are key to the martial art student and without internal controls and personal morals, it invites disaster. In 1972, the Phoenix Group established its tenets to be Courtesy, Integrity, Perseverance, Self-Control, and Indomitable Spirit.

Because “perseverance” is the topic at hand, I will only discuss that tenet and not the others listed in the above paragraph. According to the Phoenix Group Handbook, the definition of the tenet “Perseverance” is: “The determination to work at a task until it is completed. The patience to let time and hard work accomplish your goal. The wisdom to recognize your limits.”
I find the definition here interesting in that it says, “wisdom to recognize your limits.” Being that I’m in my 40s, overweight, and short, gravity and age have revealed some of my limitations. I’m glad the ITF Phoenix Group allows me to recognize my limitations.

Another definition comes from the Encyclopedia of Taekwon-Do, Vol. 1[4]. Its Explanation of Tenets says, “Needless to say, the success or failure of Taekwon-Do training depends largely on how one observes and implements the tenets of Taekwon-Do which should serve as a guide for all serious students of the art.” And that encyclopedia’s definition of “perseverance” is as follows: “There is an old Oriental saying, ‘Patience leads to virtue or merit,’ ‘One can make a peaceful home by being patient for 100 times. Certainly, happiness and prosperity are most likely brought to the patient person. To achieve something, whether it is a higher degree or the perfection of a technique, one must set his goal, then constantly persevere….One of the most important secrets in becoming a leader of Taekwon-Do is to overcome every difficulty by perseverance.”

Until I read the above explanation of “perseverance,” I never equated “patience” with “perseverance.” A mental light bulb went off in my head. I thought, “I’ve never been a patient person, no wonder it’s been so hard for me to “persevere.” It’s as if I found the missing link. Unfortunately, my lack of patience is a sign of immaturity. But in realizing that patience and perseverance go hand-in-hand, I think I’m finally getting it.

The last but not least source from which I find a definition for “perseverance” is in the Bible[5]. This source is from which I hang my life. Without it, I have no hope of persevering through the day, let alone through to a Taekwon-Do Black Belt. Some of its references on “perseverance” are as follows:

Romans 5:3-4 “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” I have to remember that my suffering is producing more than just a sore body and a confused brain from remembering right from left and verbal definitions in English and Korean. My suffering and perseverance is producing character and hope.

II Thessalonians 3:5 “May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.” Christ is the perfect example of persevering through a tortuous death. If He could endure torture and crucifixion, I certainly can endure the discipline of Taekwon-Do.

James 1:3-4, “Because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” To finish the course, I must persevere. I like the reward of maturity and completeness.

Another set of Bible references are taken from one of my favorite Bible stories about David and Goliath.

1Samuel 17:47
All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands.”

1Samuel 17:48
As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him.

1Samuel 17:49
Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.

1Samuel 17:50
So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.

David used simple stones to protect God’s people. I’m sure he mastered the skill of aiming stones many times out in the field, tending his sheep. So too, students must use the simple stones of perseverance. Perseverance to attend class, study their verbal, and practice their material.

More often than not, I look at the giant of testing, competition, and knowing my verbal, instead of looking at the stone of persistence and getting accustomed to those tools—like stones of which David was accustomed to using.

Doing my part and trusting in God for strength to persevere is my goal.
In a recent book I read entitled, Checklist for Life for Women[6], I discovered these practical tips that I will start using in my perseverance journey:

o Keep a positive attitude and look for possibilities inherent in a difficult situation. For example, assuming the best, instead of the worst when it comes time to test or compete. Negative thinking drains my energy and distracts me from doing my best.

o Set goals that can be achieved. A good goal is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and well timed. For example, I have a tendency to procrastinate when I have a looming deadline. I should make it my goal to know all my material a month before testing, so the last month is just review, maintenance, and even helping other students and not being filled with anxiety.

o Do your best and take risks. Challenge yourself to reach a little higher, try a little harder, dream a bit bigger. I often underestimate what I am able to accomplish.

o Don’t quit. Persistence pays off. Plans and goals usually take longer than originally planned, like obtaining my Black Belt. I tell my children, it’s not always the most talented who are successful, but the one who is willing to work hard and stay for the long haul.

o Lighten up and have some fun. I tend to get too serious and self-focused when achieving goals and then I miss out on the best of life. Success means nothing if I’m unhappy or too self-focused.

I end with one of my favorite quotes and Bible verses. Max Lucado, a well-known Pastor and Author said, “Focus on giants—you stumble. Focus on God—your giants tumble.”[7] In my own strength, I cannot obtain a Black Belt in Taekwon-Do. My humanity is too weak, insecure, and impatient. But like David said in I Samuel 17:47 “…it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's…” It’s not in my strength. Only in His strength will I persevere to the end.
[1] http://www.dictionary.com/
[2]http://www.dictionary.com/
[3] J.F. Tompkins, International Taekwon-Do Federation Phoenix Group Student Manual (Jean L. Tompkins, D.B.A Hi-Kik Designs, 2002) p. 27
[4] Gen. Choi Hong Hi, Encyclopedia of Taekwon-Do: Vol. 1 (International Taekwon-Do Federation, 1993) p. 15 & 16
[5] Zondervan, The Holy Bible: New International Version (The Zondervan Corporation, 1996)
[6] Thomas Nelson Publisher, Checklist for Life for Women (JRQ Inc., 2002) p. 195
[7] Max Lucado, Facing Your Giants (Thomas Nelson, 2006).

Guts & Butts

Today I took Grandma to the "Guts and Butts" doctor and I'm quoting the doc himself. Taking Grandma to the doc is always interesting whether in the waiting room or in the exam room for a number of reasons, one being that my Grandma can't hear and the other being that there are always interesting characters in a doc's office.

While filling out forms and trying not to stare at others while they waited, a sweet older lady came in with her caring middle-aged son. I couldn't help but listen to their conversation that enveloped the waiting room while I was concentrating on Grandma's AARP and Medicare information. Their talk was pleasant, even sweet at times. I was thinking what a rockin' mom and son. He was so doting and she was so interested in his life. Then out of the blue she says, "So when are you going to lose some weight....?" Out of embarrassment, I about crawled under the chair for him. She completely emasculated the poor man right there in front of God and everybody. He offered some fixes and excuses and she mumbled "How's that workin' for ya?" I discovered we all want healthy kids, even when we're old and grey but influencing that by our words can be a curse or a blessing. Yikes!

As we eventually migrated to the exam room, I had to inform the nurse and doc to speak loudly so grandma could here them but, of course, one has to speak so loud that I'm sure the adjoining rooms can hear every word. Can you imagine sitting on the table in an exam room and hearing this conversation: "I get out of breath a little and I have ringing in my ears," says Grandma. "This doc is for the bowels, Grandma. You need to talk to your cardiologist about your shortness of breath," I said. "I'm the 'Guts and Butts' doctor....," says the doc. I fell over in laughter and I'm sure the patients fell off the exam tables in the adjoining rooms.

I was rockin' today--rockin' in embarrassment over a mom's insensitive remarks and in laughter over a doc's attempt to make a situation more light-hearted.

A Horse is a Horse, of Course, of Course

A horse is a horse, of course, of course,

And no one can talk to a horse of course

That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mister Ed.

This song may be too old for you to remember but it's the song that comes to mind when I think of my friend, Levi.

Levi encountered this horse while fishing on the pond, only this horse wasn't far off in the distance but too close for Levi's comfort. In fact, the horse was grazing so close it sent Levi into a panic with great anxiety! The horse, was just a horse, of course, and was grazing in the grass. But Levi, only saw the size of the horse, of course, and his closeness seemed to harass.

Levi's mom was alerted to his fear and with a mom's art of distraction, invited Levi into a canoe out on the pond, for some relaxation. Levi eagerly took the invitation, knowing that the horse, of course, would not graze in the pond and he could plan is next action.

Although Levi's dream is to be a super hero, he talked with his wise mom, out on the pond, about his fear and anxiety. In his small wanna be super hero frame; he confessed that he was tired of worrying and being filled with fear on many occasions. His wise mom shared with Levi about the true Super Hero who we can cast our fears on--The One who gives us strength to face our fears and to carry on.

With the horse looking on, Levi confessed his need for the Super Hero named, Jesus, right there on the pond. He leapt from the boat and was able to carry on, realizing that the horse is a horse, of course, of course, and a Super Hero named, Jesus, used the horse to show Levi his need for Him, of course.

Welcome to the heros of faith, Levi! His power is made perfect in your weakness!