Recently I went to a local sports store and found the golf clothes rack. All the golf clothes were smaller than the size I am, probably because most female golfers are in really good shape. Unfortunately, I had to return the too small black golf capris that I bought.
Sure I'm a Black Belt in TaeKwon-Do and it's taken me five years to get there but when I wear my TaeKwon-Do uniform in public, I don't get the same respect I get in the gym. Most people look at me like I'm some clown wearing a costume. But if I had a golf outfit on in public, I might obtain that respectable female athletic look.
After watching the guys in my house play Tiger Woods Golf, I've realized there's more to golf than just swinging a club and looking good. One has to know which way the wind is blowing when they throw grass in the air, what size club to use depending on how far one is from the green, and then what direction the green is growing in for putting. Sounds like another five years of training to me, let alone it's really expensive, and I have a bum knee that I have to protect enough as it is for TaeKwon-Do.
Even our church campus-pastor had a Facebook picture posted of him doing a "fake" bicycle stunt while moutain biking, I'm sure imagining in his mind, he was 20 years younger doing the real thing.
All of us have a certain persona of what we'd like to look and be like. Just fill your name in that that desired blank....golfer, tennis pro, black belt, cyclist, artist, mom, singer, chef, etc. None of those things, in and of themselves are bad goals. Donald Miller writes about a similar issue in his book, "Searching for God Knows What" and says, "...there is nothing wrong with being beautiful or being athletic or being smart, but those are some of the pleasures of life, not life's redemption."
The key for me as to why I want to look like a female golfer, is in the statement I made above, "respectable female athletic look." When you boil it all down, what I'm really saying is I want to be admired and respected for who I am. Unfortunately, looking like a golfer is not going to get me the admiration and respect, especially since the clothes don't fit!
My husband, Michael, recently shared a quote with me, "What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" by Ralph Waldo Emerson. What lies within all humanity is an emptiness that we are trying to fill. I've been trying to fill that emptiness with respectable athletic golf clothes that people admire when all the while I'm empty on the inside for love and admiration.
This reminds me of a conversation I recently had with my son when getting ready to go into 7th grade. We had gone to a school event, and I noticed that he and the school friends were hardly speaking. As a parent, I immediately pegged it as insecurities. The following week, we were both going to his school orientation and I challenged him to say "Hi" to every person he recognized. I assured him that no matter how outgoing he thought a person was, they were all feeling exactly the same as him, "insecure and unsure of themselves." I also encouraged him with the Proverb that says, "He who has friends shows himself friendly." And sure enough, as soon as he started saying "Hi", his friends dropped their guards and started a friendly dialogue with him. I didn't have to say much. The proof was in the pudding.
Even when all grown up, we all have this empty insecurity within us that really no one, no activity, or no item of clothing can fill. The only filler that has always satisfied me is Jesus. He once told a woman, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:13&14
Where's your empty place that you might be trying to fill with respectable athletic clothing?
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